Hello Thank you for calling Marion s helpline for the awareness impaired:
ah so you have a feral cat and 4 kittens on your small holding hmm and mum is pregnant again of course she is, oh and tom cat is there too.
Of course i agree you don't want to many so want to stop them breeding, ah good you will have them all back :
Please do spend the next 40 mins telling me all about yourself and these cats and of course ignore my relevant questions:
Oh yes i think i do remember helping you 5yrs ago- and i remember sending hubby to pick up wild kittens and of course you kept one as it hid- how sweet!
Oh and indeed it could even have been us who helped 18yrs ago with this problem- cats eh they just wont stop breeding:
Of course the vets told you they cant spay while queen is feeding kittens- what on earth do I know telling you its fine just don't tell the vet and that mum will go straight back to kittens only difference is she wont get pregnant.
Oh and you don't want to trap her if she just had kittens as newborns would die while vets keep her 48 hrs which of course they have to do, and yes i am saying that's rubbish and we can have mum done and back same day and it doesn't affect milk and she will go straight back to kittens:
How do i know this? maybe cos i have been doing it for over 20yr without problem :
Ah so you want to use the most expensive vet in the area well we only issue voucher for the cheapest vet in area could you take them there?
No as the petrol cost just as much as extra, really over £30 to go 8miles:
So our offer of a volunteer to trap and take to vets is declined as you would rather do it all yourself and take to expensive vets:
Oh so are you in a financial position to afford to pay the extra- lovely !
What that you say what you really want is a trap of your own so you can take as and when and in the future if they need vet etc- good idea- ebay - no you dont have internet ----pause ---- .
And you are trying elsewhere for a trap so while i see when one will be available to you if another comes from somewhere you wont need ours.......
My pleasure no need to thank me for listening -- I am now losing the will to live --- goodbye